Friday, July 14, 2006

adsense is the viagra of the internet

Hers an email from a list I'm on. Its always entertaining to see whats in the heads of some of these outrageous merchants and how they try to milk you of your money by not providing anything other than the whisper of hope in exchange for a click on their ads. Heres the email.

Hi Shane,An infinitesimal email may be the key...
Now you will get many views on autoresponders and long messages verses short ones.
I'm going to show you this model that is working great for Brad Callen and that list I told you to subscribe to at http://adgold-rush.com/elite.html I'll leave her link in place as a posthumous mention (being nice maybe the humidity is getting to me)
Notice when you got the first email that it is just two sentences, "Here's your free copy of the Player's Guide To Adwords Domination. Go here to grab your copy..." and that's it! Two sentences to remind you of the dynamite content that you wanted and telling you where to go to get it. (ps i didnt go get it from you liz sorry)
This email gives you two choices.
Take action or don't take action.
But you have to make a choice. (Good pointer there. You forgot click that big red X)
The lessons that Brad is going to lead you through not only give your great content that show cases a problem that you have, they will show you how his product makes solving those problems easy.You can play up this same principle with your own AdSense lists.
People love to get short lessons and feel like they are learning something. ( umm are you saying you're not really interested in helping people learn something but rather pushing out garbage in the hopes that some idiot will click on the adsense ad?)
Give them the 10 Lessons to Success or 5 pitfalls to avoid. (give them anything just please click on the adsense ads in the "hotspot"
Then drive them to each page where you lay out the lesson -teaching them their pain, the fate that they want to stop experiencing or avoid. You make them live the pain, but do not how tell them how to resolve it. (ok lets not provide REAL content) oh yeah this is verbatim not my bad grammar.
Then you make sure that you have your AdSense in the hot zones on your page (see your Anatomy of AdSense) to provide the handy resolution. ( the resolution to their problem mentioned in the content on your page is an adsense ad. Ok I'll click away from your site go buy that product and never come back because i forgot how unhelpful you were)
Are you afraid to wear a swimsuit because you have too much hair?(oh just say it FAT.... jeesus) A little laser could permanently solve your problem. (laser surgey isnt going to help fat people)It's simple and easy. But don't solve the whole problem. (again dont provide any content about lasers? why would I want to buy a laser? :-P) Leave them wanting a little more. "If you are considering laser surgery, then there are some questions you must ask to avoid disaster.
"Brad lays out clearly why you badly need a PPC campaign for your business, and then he promises to take you set by step through the solution that will end your pain,
"10 minutes to instant website traffic.
"You too can use these simple, but sneaky techniques to keep them coming back for more...But we'll talk about those next time :-)Cheers,Liz.
Is it just me or is this carnival barker at its best Come and get your snake oil i'tll cure you of what ever ails you. Adsense is the great panacea of the internet. All your pains and troubles are solved by clicking on adsense. Think I can say adsense any more in one sentence.
GET FREEKING REAL. This is by no means any way to run a business. if you have a website about fat people and bikinis then provide content for fat people in bikini's. Talk about being fat and wearing a bikini or what ever for god's sakes. Not some sales hype schitck. Are you fat and cant fit into a bikini? well I have the perfect solution for you ADSENSE. LOL i swear to god adsense is the viagra of the internet!!!

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